Why So Critical?

It's interesting being a couple years into widowhood that I'm now hearing about all of the criticism people have over what I said or did when Jeff died.

I don't understand why people who say they love me and care about me so much, who just want me to be happy, also criticize or hold me accountable for things I said while I was in the deepest, darkest grief.

I was just trying to survive people.  I don't even remember the first year very well.  There were definitely things that stood out but I guess what I'm trying to say is, please cut me a little bit of a break regarding things I may have said after Jeff died regarding how I was going to live my life.

The roller coaster of emotions I was going through definitely altered my viewpoints and I was, and am, forever altered.  I might have adamantly stated that I would never do certain things and I may have not been where I should have been or done what I should have done, but I was also adjusting to the loss of my best friend, partner, lover and my entire life path.

I'm not saying I should get a total pass, but maybe people could try to let it go and understand that while a person is in the unreachable chasm of grief, they may say or do things that they don't mean or they may have since changed their mind about the way they want to live their life.

I am finding myself being criticized for things I said and did months or even years ago that I don't even remember saying or doing and having to apologize.  I am willing to apologize, but once it's all said and done, can we please just let it go?

When I say that my mind has changed since then, that I'm now in a different place from where I was right after Jeff died, can we please accept that?

Here are some lessons that I've learned since Jeff died:

I need to hold myself accountable for the things I say and do.

I need to apologize if I have accidentally hurt someone else because of what I have said or done, even though I know in my heart that was not my intent.

I need to be less critical of others and what they have said or done in the past or what they will say or do in the future.

I need to not take things so personally or be defensive, even if I feel that I am being treated unfairly.

I also need to let things go once all is said and done.

It's critical that I remember and make these into habit now so when others are critical of me, I don't feel so criticized.